Purpose of this document
To document involuntary physiological responses with strong emotional and neurological overtones, often triggered by sensory input. I am suggesting that most (if not all) sensitivities are a direct echo of the past-life trauma conditioning.
Each sensitivity is rated in order of Magnitude where 1 is ignorable and 5 means impossible to ignore. Example: M1.
Audio
M5: The call of Pigeons
I know I made the Magnitude scale from 1 to 5, but I could easily have made it from 1 to 50 and mark this one on M50 — that is how incredibly low my tolerance is for that specific sound. I literally cannot stand even ONE call. The sensitivity is amplified significantly while resting in bed.
Context
There is a lot to unpack here; after doing my extensive research by comparing my memories against historical timelines, I found a “gap” in my memories somewhere between late 1942 and spring/summer of 1943. By gap I mean: I have no memory of the bomber escort plane used in that exact time frame — as well as historically verifiable facts around who was at certain Airforce bases I remember on England at any given time. The only logical conclusion to explain the gap in memory would be if I was not on active duty during that time. Which begs the question: where was I? The most likely scenario: in an Army Hospital due to injuries — and that’s where the pigeons come in; they are very common in rural England, especially around human settlements where food and shelter is easy to get. Which meant: It would be very likely I had to listen to those pigeons calling each day I woke up in the hospital while I knew my fellow airmen were out there risking their lives. Judging by my current-life character, I was not the passive type. Rather, I was most likely a very effective gunner because of the energy I can pour into something I think is the right thing to do. At the time, I probably had a train of thought justifying the killing of young Germans.
M5: Unpredictable, unwelcome sound
Visceral response. Anger. Somatic: ears can twitch in response. Focus will immediately switch until the sound is identified as a non-threat.
Context
This level of hyper vigilance during missions made the difference between life and death — because hearing any unpredictable sound meant danger or caution at best.
M5: Something hitting or brushing against the frame/ear-cups of my headphones
It can send me into a brief rage without warning.
Context
The entire ball turret was cramped. It’s very plausible that I developed a sensitivity to hitting or scraping equipment on other objects inside the turret or while entering into it.
M5: Sudden, non-linear vibration in motorcycle engines
It bothers me a lot so I can only ride bikes with smooth, predictable engines — which means from Honda.
Context
The vibrations from the B-17’s engines were always there. If there was any change in them, even subtly, it meant danger 99% of the time. They were smooth and steady as long as they were running normal.
M5: FM/AM radio
When it is on, there is nothing I can do to move my focus away from it. Combine that with the repetitive nature of today’s radio stations and you got yourself a very toxic cocktail. I have had several situations at multiple jobs where I couldn’t focus while the radio was on.
Context
The radio during missions was a literal life line. Without it, there was no communication about approaching threats or targets of any kind — it had a very specific purpose. And I can assure you, it wasn’t there to talk about what one had for dinner yesterday.
M5: Inconsistencies or glitches in looped sounds
I use pink noise to calm my nervous system by creating a predictable sound environment while it masks some unwanted sounds. It has to be smooth and consistent or it’ll defeat the purpose of it.
Context
This is similar to what I said earlier about the vibration in engines; the pink noise mimics the constant ever-present foreground noise inside a ball turret. I’m not saying the actual sound inside the ball turret is the same, it’s just also a stable and consistent foreground noise.
M3: Stereo Music
If a song has sound going from one ear cup to another, I instantly skip to the next track and delete it if it’s in my private library. For a long time I forced Mono Audio mode which means the audio coming from the left and right speaker is the same at all times — even if the source track has a “moving sound” effect in it. But I ran into technical issues causing me to switch back.
Context
Imagine a large group of B-17s in steady formation, going towards a target. As long as there are no enemy fighters or FLAK, the soundscape is extremely consistent. There might be some small functional radio chatter, but that’s it. “Peaceful” if you will. In that scenario, what would break that “peace”? You might have guessed it; a sound going from one ear to the other. Because I meant only one thing: enemy fighters rapidly flying past — soon to circle around and start their attack.
Clothing
M5: Sleeves
A pure, impossible to ignore visceral survival response to how loose sleeves feel. The longer I ignore it, the more it will bother me to the point of mental breakdown — I found that out the hard way.
M5: Bulky gloves
I hate the look and feel of them. I need direct tactile feedback. Without it, I feel like I’m a powerless sitting duck.
Context
Despite the very cold environment at 25000 Feet, ball turret gunners wore gloves that provided a good feel, because operating the gun controls would be nearly impossible without tactile feel. Tactile feedback was a matter of life and death — not just for me.
M5: pants without a belt
I need to feel pressure and tightness there. Without it I feel very vulnerable. Even when wearing the belt is “pointless” because the pant wouldn’t fall down without one.
Context
Pressure around the waist and hips was constantly there during the entire mission. If it went away for any reason between getting in and out of the turret, it would mean serious harm because of all the motion involved. That belt was the only thing keeping me from being bruised up to oblivion.
M3: Pants over/outside boots
I always tuck them in unless I’m forced not to. Leaving them hanging on the outside feels like trying to wear a helmet upside down.
Context
All B-17 crew members would tuck the pants into their boots for multiple reasons: warmth, protection, and preventing them from getting caught on something.
Physical
M5: Mouth breathing
I used to breathe through my mouth because I had to, due to my seasonal allergies which clogged my nose completely. As soon as I realized I no longer had that after going on a ketogenic meat-based diet, I automatically taught myself to breath through my nose instead. It took about 2 months for me to transition. At the time of writing this in late 2025, I have been breathing through my nose 24/7 for about 6 years straight.
Context
The oxygen mask worn by ball turret gunners would unseal itself if the mouth had to be opened far enough for breathing through it. So nose breathing became a necessity. I find it fascinating how I naturally went right back to that pattern as soon as my health allowed for it.
Coping mechanisms
Blocking sound
I wear earplugs by Loop© at night to reduce any sensory input threatening my sleep pattern. During the day, I use ANC-Capable wireless headphones while playing pink noise over mobile phone speakers. When I can’t wear headphones, I wear the earplugs. As long as I’m in a noisy environment like where I live now, It is impossible to work, sleep and function without those coping tools. — I found that out the hard way. The only time I don’t wear them is while I’m showering.
Avoidance
Busy, crowded (thus unpredictable) areas. Easier said than done in NL.
Context
The Netherlands has an average population density of ~520 per square kilometer — compared to ~36 of the United States.
Closing statement
The symptoms I have mentioned above persist despite my long-term efforts to reduce or even eliminate them. But they persist with extremely high levels of predictability and consistency, despite logic, social pressure, or any effort to override them. They are part of my reality — and when mapped against historical facts surrounding what a B-17 ball turret gunner was faced with, it seems very plausible to me that my past-life has at least contributed to those sensitivities in one way or another.
If any Palingenesis researcher with experience on that particular topic has any interest in talking to me about it, feel free to reach out.